Miller's Musings Parshas Chayei Soroh: A Double Life

בס''ד

Despite the intense feelings of grief Avrohom was experiencing after the death of his beloved Soroh, he conducted himself with the utmost courtesy and graciousness, throughout what must have been an exceedingly testing negotiation for a place to bury his wife.  It is interesting to note, that at almost every juncture of the dialogue between Avrohom and the natives of that place, there is some reference to the fact that all the people of the town were present and aware of the proceedings.  There are many commentaries that discuss why this was necessary, but what I would like to try and discern is the reason for the curious absence of this feature at one particular stage of the transaction, when Ephron fixes the price he requires for the sale to take place. 

We can easily understand that for Avrohom there was a need for all to be present to witness the purchase of the land, so that there should be no later claims of theft or extortion, but for Ephron the onlookers were only of value up to a point.  When Avrohom indicated that he wished to purchase the plot of land owned by Ephron, Ephron’s response, notably at this point “in the ears of the children of Ches’, was both magnanimous and seemingly empathetic to Avrohom’s situation, offering him all he desired for nothing.  However when it came to the specifics of what he required Avrohom to pay, the mention of others being present is rather conspicuous by its absence.  It is here, after he in fact imposes a greatly overpriced amount for the land, that we see that the generosity of Ephron is merely a façade displayed as long as others are there to view his kindness, but totally lacking when there are now seemingly none present to attest to his benevolence.  

If we look honestly at ourselves we would all have to concede that in certain areas of our life, the way we act in the company of others can be entirely unlike the way we act when alone.  The very same davenning that took a lengthy amount of time when at shul, can suddenly be reduced to the most fleeting prayer when in one’s home.  The good character traits we display when others are watching can swiftly dissipate when we are unable to muster up the masquerade required for the charade, in the confines of our own home.  This is not to belittle those acts performed only in the public domain, for eventually they may instil within us a consistency of such deeds and they may in truth be representative of the levels we truly desire to achieve.  The key is in not allowing any self-deception with regard to the true stage of our spiritual progression, based on our societal behaviours, thereby impeding our growth through spurious beliefs and complacency.  Rather we must use the manner in which we act in private to help us acknowledge our flaws and failings, and the way that we live in the public eye as the guide for our aspirations to sincere unwavering greatness.  Our public selves should become our most private realities.

*May we live and feel the holiness of Shabbos in its every moment*

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