דבס''
Everyone likes a good myth.
Does it truly exist? Is it a figment of someone’s imagination? Throughout history there have been legends,
fables and folklore that have described fantastic creatures that
may or may not have actually been factual or real. The Torah however is very frank and candid in
telling us that a case of a Ben Soreh U’Moreh, the wayward and rebellious child,
never actually occurred. In fact the Gemoro tells us that the concept is
described in the Torah solely so that it can give us the reward for learning,
discussing and delving into the matter. However, this only leads to a further
question, as surely the Torah is infinite and endless without any need for
additional non-existent phenomena for study.
I’m
not sure there is a more difficult task in life than raising children. Every book on the subject contains different
advice and even Torah guides are never all-inclusive since each child must be educated
according to their particular ways. The
case of a Ben Soreh U’Moreh was an extreme one, where a child has strayed so
far from the path that there is no way back.
But what we clearly see is the need for consequences for a child’s
actions. No child can be allowed to do
whatever their heart desires and no child can be left to their whims. There must be rules for them to abide by and repercussions
if they do not do so. This, says Reb
Moshe Mordechai Epstein zt’l, is the reward that we gain from learning this enigmatic
portion of the Torah. Not the reward for
the learning, but a reward for our positive and effective child rearing which
will result from the lessons learnt here.
Where once children were to be seen and not heard and
punishments for not adhering to rules barbaric and cruel, we seem now to have
swung to the other extreme, allowing for any chosen behavior under the guise of
empathy and inclusivity. As with all the
greatest battles, it is fought on a tightrope and maintaining one’s balance is
everything. Too much rigidity can be
disastrous but too much permissiveness may be even more calamitous. We must find the balance that allows for a
child’s self-expression and unique personality to shine, whilst maintaining a
base level of behavior and morality that lies strictly within the parameters of
the Torah and its eternal wisdom. To this
end there must at times be consequences for negative actions, but the context
in which they are received is paramount.
It must be one in which the child is already secure in the knowledge of
the love they have experienced and felt time and time again, throughout their
lives, so that they know that however it may appear, even this is an expression
of love.
*May
Shabbos help us with the balance of our lives*
לעילוי נשמת לאה בת אברהם
לעילוי נשמת שרה יעל בת גרשון
לרפואת אלימלך יהושע אהרון בן דבורה רבקה
