Miller's Musings Parshas Vayishlach: Accepting the Change

בס''ד

After years apart caused by Yaakov’s righteous deception and Eisov’s thirst for revenge, the estranged brothers finally come face to face in our Parsha.  The lead up to this epic meeting involved Yaakov sending tributes and messages to Eisov by means of which he hoped to broker a peace deal with his brother.  His opening gambit involved him informing Eisov that “I lived with Lovon”.  The word for “I lived” in Hebrew has the numerical value of six hundred and thirteen, the total number of Torah commandments.  He was thereby informing Eisov that despite having lived with a person of tremendous wickedness, he had maintained his own spiritually high level.  But why did Yaakov tell Eisov this?  What difference would it have made to him that Yaakov still kept all the Torah?

Yaakov’s initial intent when sending these gifts and communications was, as we stated, in order to bring about peace and harmony. However contained within such a plan was a danger of a misunderstanding on Eisov’s part as to exactly what form this peace would take.  Reb Moshe Feinstein zt’l therefore explains that Yaakov’s proclamation was there to make it clear that although he was happy to negotiate a peace, Yaakov’s spiritual status was non-negotiable, and there was to be no merging of their camps in terms of the standards that they each kept to.  This was something that Eisov had to accept.  Just as Yaakov preserved his level during his sojourn with Lovon, so too he was resolute in his intention to retain this level after any agreement would be reached.

Growth is an absolute imperative for successful living.  Staying at one’s previous level is simply not an option for one seeking to achieve all that one is able to.  The changes that are necessary for one’s development can be hard for you yourself to accept and perhaps even more difficult for those around you.  Those who are close to you can experience a feeling of rejection and condescension perhaps as a result of someone, previously at their level, deciding that they want to aim higher.  The key here is in the idea of acceptance, acceptance of who you are and who you choose to be.  If someone is unwilling to live with your choices then they are perhaps not people you need in your life.  And if you cannot accept the adjustments that others are making, then perhaps you are not the friend or support you may have thought you were.  Acceptance of the other’s choices is fundamental to any relationship, as long as it neither harms you nor them.  Anything else belies true love for the other.

*May this Shabbos inspire us towards the movement we all must make

לעילוי נשמת לאה בת אברהם 

uלעילוי נשמת שרה יעל בת גרשון