I think we can all agree that kidnapping and cursing one’s parents rank
pretty low on the morality scales. They
are both acts that suggest levels of depravity beyond the norm. However the fact that they are found juxtaposed to each other suggests that there is more that unites them than merely their similarities
in the immorality stakes. So what indeed is the relationship between these
two sinful crimes?
A fascinating idea suggested by the
ibn Ezra is that under normal circumstances the notion of a child cursing their
parent is simply inconceivable and bordering on an impossibility. A regular instance of a child raised and nurtured
by their parents would mean that the child would surely be unable to repay the selflessness
exhibited towards them in such a cruel and vindictive manner. In fact the only way this could happen would
be if there would be an extended period of detachment from the parent, such as
that effected by a kidnapping, hence the connection between the two sins.
Although the case of kidnapping may
be an extreme one, I believe the underlying principal is relevant for any
parent, educator or person trying to develop a positive relationship with
another. If you truly desire to nourish
a healthy association with someone the key recipe is time. If parents wants children to live up to the
life that they hope for them, time spent connecting with the child and time
spent ensuring the child realises how important they are to them is an absolute
imperative. How can a child desire to be
like a parent that they do not feel they truly know and who does not seem to
value knowing them? Why will students
want to emulate their teacher if that teacher has never shown that their
achievements are important to them by giving the student of his time and effort
to facilitate this? In fact the amount
one can hope to influence another is directly proportional to the time one has
spent fostering the bond between each other.
The greater the involvement the more superior the attachment and the
less time one is occupied in that person’s life the greater the disconnect and
impact one can have. The lesson is
simple and apparent to all, but if we do not keep reminding ourselves of it,
these precious moments can be lost and those opportunities for deep and
profound connections along with them.
May we utilise the unique time of Shabbos
for nurturing all those relationships we hold most dear.
לעילוי נשמת לאה
בת אברהם
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Please let me know if you enjoyed this week's Musings or if you have any other comments that you would like to make about the ideas discussed. I would love to hear from you.